The charm of Disney is that it’s more about relishing an ambiance of whimsy and wonder, than getting strapped into a metal cart that shoots you down a 150-foot vertical drop.
Because of Disney’s focus on family fun, versus vomit-inducing “fun,” it has an abundance of rides that are ideal for the knocked up, and under-three-feet-tall, crowds. The following are the Disney World ride options that are always at the top of our family’s FastPass wish list, whether there’s a human in my stomach or a toddler strapped to my chest.
Related Articles
Magic Kingdom
Photo provided by Disney
Haunted Mansion: This Disney classic serves up cool air, is spooky without being “I just peed a little” startling, and is a good place to take a quickie-nap if you’re desperate.
It’s a Small World: Filled with tiny characters that give you good ideas for kid’s Halloween costumes, It’s a Small World teaches you a ditty to sing to your future child, makes you feel appreciation for the tapestry of cultures that make up our world, and is a must-try Disney ride.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Go here if you want a mini-thrill from the initial mini-drop, to feast on pirate eye-candy, and get a blast from the past if you grew up watching The Goonies (even though it was technically filmed at Disneyland.)
Undeniable sex appealFireworks: As Disney is synonymous with “most epic firework displays” you need to catch at least one. Take an afternoon nap to ensure you have the gusto to view one of the mind-blowing firework shows available at almost every park. Click here for a complete Disney World firework schedule.
Photo provided by Disney
Animal Kingdom
Na’vi River Journey in Pandora – World of Avatar: A chance to safely feel like you’ve taken psychedelics, this ride is filled with trippy, otherworldly sights like bioluminescent flora, and serves as a reminder to protect our environment for the future generation you’re growing in your tummy.
Photo by Ken HendersonIt’s Tough to Be a Bug! Relive this 90’s classic in 3D, while laughing at some sneaky adult humor, and sparking your memory for other “old” films you want to watch with your offspring.
Photo by Loren JavierFinding Nemo the Musical: While the wait for this show can be long, the juice is worth the squeeze as it’s 40-minutes long and filled with vibrant, animated sets, adorable characters, and comfortable seats.
Photo by HykuFestival of the Lion King: Your mouth will open in awe and your eyes will tear from hormonal emotion during this top-notch performance, which includes acrobatics, favorite Lion King tunes, and a bright flurry of constant color. And you’ll be sitting in a dark air-conditioned dome for the entire of the show.
Photo provided by Disney
Hollywood Studios
Photo provided by Disney
For the First Time in Forever: A Frozen Sing-Along Celebration: Anna and Elsa… live sing along… sitting down for 30-minutes… enough said.
Muppet Vision 3D: This is the show for you if you enjoy the quirky humor of these timeless characters. Through film and live action you’ll dive into the lives of the muppets as the infamous peanut gallery (Statler and Waldorf) slang snarky commentary. Just imagine having those two old dudes present during childbirth…
Photo by T JungToy Story Midway Mania: Get your gamble on during this competitive, virtual reality ride that provides each guest with a pull canon to shoot virtual balls, pies, rings, etc at various Toy Story related targets. The players in your cart will be ranked by score at the end of the ride.
Suggested bet: Any pregnant women in the cart that receives at least one point gets a back rub.
Photo by HykuBeauty and the Beast Live on Stage: Show some love to your inner princess by allowing her to spend 25-minutes watching her favorite animated-inanimate objects sing tales as old as time. Extra perk: Some of the vocal talent is sourced from the film.
Photo by Theme Park TouristEpcot Center
The American Adventure: Nurture your mind during this 30-minute show, which utilizes audio-animatronics, film and music to offer an entertaining glimpse into America’s past. And kind of creepy, yet pretty cool, Mark Twain and Benjamin Franklin robots are the guides. This is a good show to visit if you think your kiddo is in need of a quick snooze, as the length of the show, and chill environment, make an ideal place for a little one (or pregnant one) to catch some zzzs.
Photo by Loren JavierDisney and Pixar Short Film Festival (in 4D!) Experience three Disney & Pixar short films, replete with 3D glasses and in-theater special effects. As Disney is the master of short films, this is an 18-minute cinematic adventure that will not disappoint.
Gran Fiesta Tour: If you’re pregnant, stuff some extra toilet paper in your panties before this ride, as there will be lots of laughs. You’ll float along a lazy river, past the culturally rich, sparkling sights of (Disney’s version of) Mexico, as Panchito, a womanizing rooster, and the always chipper parrot, José Carioca, set off on an adventure to find their missing third amigo, Donald Duck.
Photo by AlohaBest Dinner Show
Hoop-Dee-Doo Musical Revue at The Campsites at Disney’s Fort Wilderness Resort: Ribs, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, beans, Shirley temples, cornbread, honey butter, foot-stompin’ songs, Wild West dancing, vaudeville comedy, and ample audience participation. Need I say more? You have to pay extra for this experience, but it’s worth it.
Hudson being shy with the pretty lady